Christmas and Halloween
Hiking, reading, laughing, being with my nieces or friends
San Miguel de Allende, Mexico (with my nieces)!
I love sweets, I lived in Paris once, I published a novel, I love nature but am also a bookworm.
Hi, I’m Ruth from Oakland, California. Thank you so much for reading this letter. I am in awe of you. I have always, always wanted to be a mother. There is nothing I want more, and it is because of your courage and openness that it might someday happen. My extended family has given me a personal connection to adoption, so it means the world to me to build a family through open adoption. Luckily I also have the financial resources to take time off when my son or daughter arrives and to hire quality help, which I know will be key to making single motherhood work. So I’m ready and thrilled to become a single mother through open adoption! And I am truly honored to be part of your brave journey. It is the most loving decision imaginable. Thank you for taking the time to read my profile.
I live in the beautiful city of Oakland. I was born and raised a little south of here in San José, California, a wonderfully diverse and down-to-earth place to grow up. My parents were professors at San José State University—my father taught Shakespeare and poetry, my mother taught American history and literature, eventually becoming a dean—so I grew up in a house full of books, culture, and education. But my parents were also very political and committed to changing the status quo, always teaching and organizing to fight inequality and racism. I spent my elementary school years in a bilingual Spanish-speaking public school, loving Cinco de Mayo and learning to color the Mexican flag. My neighborhood was a tight-knit community where we grew up at each other’s houses and are still close friends today. My friends now reflect the diversity and groundedness that growing up in San José and with my family taught me.
I have a younger brother who is the light of my life. We lost our parents fairly early and it only made us understand how important it is to cherish each other. He and my sister-in-law and my three nieces are the best thing in my life. I go up to visit them in Portland, Oregon every other month, we take most of our vacations together—we went to Mexico and Charleston, South Carolina most recently!—and I am the auntie who knows my nieces’ favorite games and songs, what they sound like when they sleep, what their dreams are. My child would have extremely loving and tight-knit cousins, an adoring uncle and aunt, all of whom are very ready for auntie to have a family. My brother already knows that he will be a very close and important male figure in my child’s life. Also, my friends, many of whom I have known for 20 years or more, are like a second family to me and are very excited to support me in this journey.
I am also close to my extended family. All of my cousins on my mother’s side happen to be adopted, and I have learned through their experiences with closed adoption that open adoption is the absolute best thing for the children, as well as the adults, involved in adoption.
I have been very lucky to live out dreams that make me feel more ready to settle down and become a mother. I have lived in Paris and New York City, attended Ivy League schools, and traveled a great deal. I went to graduate school for writing, which is a passion I feel very lucky to have found. My debut novel was published in 2015, and I’m now working on a new book. Reading and writing help sustain me and make me whole, and this is something I would love to share with my child. I also can’t wait to discover and learn from his or her passions!
I am an executive assistant for a local foundation because it is important to me that what I do makes a difference. I am lucky enough to have financial means to take time off when my son or daughter arrives and to hire quality help, which I know will be key to making single motherhood work. My life feels very full and ready to bring a child into the center of it.
I will try to make every day magical for my child. There is so much I’ve learned from my role as a hands-on auntie (and from my amazing sister-in-law) about how to engage a child and structure their days. I can already see us doing art projects, having dress-up days, baking cupcakes, making library time, throwing around a ball, riding our bikes, playing board games, reading before bed. My goal is also for us to become part of a community of other new parents of all backgrounds so we have a network to lean on and grow with.
A big part of our life will be learning and education. School has been a huge joy in my life, and I think I can help a child develop both a love for learning and the skills to thrive in K-12, college, and beyond. I will always be looking out to see what inspires my child, what he or she longs to do, and try to build those bridges for them.
I also plan for us to explore this amazing state of California that is dear to my heart, seeing and learning about the incredible history and nature as I did growing up with my parents. We will also travel to Portland often to see his or her supportive and loving uncle, aunt, and cousins.
I love living in Oakland because I value diversity, culture, and the urban experience. I live a block away from Lake Merritt, a beautiful and vibrant community hub with playgrounds, ducks and geese, a bike path, a library, a nature center, and a wonderful amusement park called Children’s Fairyland. Every weekend there is a farmer’s market, and two main streets with mom-and-pop shops and many family stores and activities. I moved to Oakland specifically because I wanted more diversity and community for myself and a child, and I am in awe every day of the small town feeling of this rich, artistic, and multi-cultural city. I can’t wait for a child to become part of my incredible neighborhood and to nestle into my beautiful apartment with its sunny windows and beautiful garden—a cozy, warm place to grow a family!
I have thought long and hard about becoming a single mother through open adoption. I have a special connection to open adoption through my cousins’ experiences as adoptees, and I only came to this point after knowing I was ready. I have always, always wanted to be a mother. I thought it would happen the old-fashioned way, but the right guy did not come along, and I do not want to let that stop me from having a family. My hands-on auntie role has taught me how much—despite the bodily fluids, exhaustion, and worry—I still want to be a mother. There is nothing better in my mind than dancing with my nieces to Rihanna or Beyoncé, snuggling to read books before bed, making them chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, sprawling on the floor for an art project or a game, hugging them when they are scared or sad. I’ve also learned how important structure and limits are so they can feel safe, stable, confident, and carefree. I know that open adoption is right for me because I have already fallen deeply in love with children who did not come from me.
Most important, I have realized that open adoption is right for me because I want my son or daughter to know exactly who and where they come from. My child’s birth mother and birth family are their beautiful roots, and will be something I want our family to know and be proud of. If it feels right, I would love to explore with you how we can build that relationship together.
I am deeply honored that you have taken the time to read my profile. I am also deeply humbled by the courage and love of your decision, and so excited to become connected to you through open adoption. My heart is huge and I would love to put your child at the very center of it.
Please feel free to contact me anytime. Call Adoption Connection toll-free at 1-888-517-3123 or text them at 1-415-355-4636.
With all my gratitude,