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A Tribute to a Birthmom

Dear Mom,

Happy Mother’s day to each and every one of you — to mothers and mothers-to-be. Last year at this time, I had lost all hope of ever being a mother and tried to stop obsessing about being a mother and paid tribute to the mom’s in my life in my blog. I felt terrific after writing last year’s post, and maybe just a small spark of hope.

Today it is a reality. I am a MOM. I feel like shouting from a roof top that I am a mom too. There are no words to describe how I feel when Ashwin smiles at me, when I walk into the room when he wakes up, or when I hold him in my arms and repeatedly tell myself, “this is real, he is here, and he calls you Amma.”

This is a very emotional post for me and I might go all over the place, so bear with me here. There are women who can easily become moms, and then folks like us who have tried everything possible, from the most superstitious of customs to advanced medical help. We become moms by the grace of other moms who have generously allowed us that esteemed position.

Dear Ashwin’s Birth Mom,

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving the gift of motherhood. I know you could have chosen an easy route, but you stayed strong and went through the arduous process of finding a perfect home for the little being that kicked you and played somersaults in your belly for 9 months. We watch him grow and see hints of your personality in him.

You welcomed us, and my parents, into your home and gave us our first baby shower gifts as you wondered if friends will have time to host a baby shower for us. You let me touch your tummy and then took us to hospital visits to hear our baby’s heart beat. Life moments that we may never have experienced, we did through you. You smiled and went through the pain of labor and yet gave us the pleasure to hold him first. You gave Rajesh (my husband) the opportunity to cut the umbilical cord, which was a surreal moment for him. You waited till we cried and held him before you did and that moment will be etched in my memory forever. You whispered sweet nothings to him before you left the hospital and I hear you talk to him with your eyes when you visit. The love you have for him can never be expressed in words. I cry as I write this and relive the moments of Ashwin’s birth.

When you tell us how happy you are that he is a happy baby, it means more to us and than anything.  We enjoy your visits and the ease with which we all hang out is just simply awesome!!! A true sense of peace went through my soul when I lay in the hammock holding Ashwin while you helped Rajesh spruce up our backyard — a feeling of gratitude, immense happiness, and most importantly peace. Always know we love you and will have nothing but great things to say about you to our lil’ munchkin.  Thank you for being you.

Love, Shankari

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